Why I'm Quitting Paleo.

After my horrific (exaggerating) shopping experience, a meat heavy dinner and a relaxing night at home, I came to the decision I am "quitting paleo". It's been just over a year since I've adopted this diet–all on my own, I might add. I've completed two 5 week challenges (voluntarily!) and kept my diet MOSTLY paleo the rest of the time. I've avoided grains, sugars (on and off) and kept my meat/fat/veg intake pretty high. I've gotten my fats from nuts, avocados, healthy oils and animals. I've tried recipes, I've avoided certain social situations and I've cut back on my drinking. Yet here I am, fatter than I was a year ago. I am working out more. I am SO conscious of what I eat, but perhaps to the point of my demise. This obsession with weight loss, this struggle with food is doing no good for my mind or body. I think too much about what I eat, I get stressed out when I "fail" or "cheat", and I truly can't go on living this way. If I look back on my thinner days, you know what? I wasn't even eating paleo. Sure, I don't want sugar in my life daily, I can totally keep that promise. But I can't promise I won't have rice sometimes, quinoa, fucking BREAD here and there. And I DONT wanna feel guilty about it. I want variety in my diet. I want to fucking eat PEANUT BUTTER on my rice cakes in the morning if I have a craving, and I want to do it all without ANY negative feelings. I can't avoid feeling like shit when I gorge on chips or drink my face off. That is my own fault and I can own that (but sometimes it's worth it :). But if I want to make rice pasta one night, I'm going to fucking make it. I want regular potatoes around my roast. I want to make potato wedges sometimes and eat them with ketchup. I miss cheese! MAYBE I want to eat some pad thai. But mostly, I want to increase my raw veg/fruit intake. I am no longer looking at fruit as "bad" or "too much sugar". Fuck that. Fresh fruits and vegetables are beautiful and I will eat them when I FEEL like eating them. Over the past year I have conditioned myself to fear grains, fear "too much fruit", and believe that paleo is the way to go. But you know what? Maybe it's not. Maybe there IS such thing as too much meat/fat. For me. For my body. There is no such thing as a universal diet that works for everyone. Maybe I'm supposed to eat more of a Mediterranean diet? I mean I have roots down there. Maybe That's my thing. NO! I don't want a "thing". I don't want to eat a certain way or label my life. I want to live my life. Enjoy things I enjoy. Eat delicious, nutrient-dense foods. Stay active, physically, mentally, creatively. I don't want to have bad associations with food and I'm sick of guilt. I'm sick of feeling fat and looking at my fat belly in the mirror. Fuck that and fuck your labels. You give your body what it wants, craves, needs. OK not YOU, ME. I am listening to my body from now on and I'm not beating myself up about made-up bad choices. I've decided what I fear and I've created this orthorexic monster, I can own this. But from now on, I will not google whether a food is paleo, or a certain ingredient is paleo. If I want to make a dessert, I will make it to the fullest. Don't get me wrong, I will still make "healthy" treats, I just feel better doing it and like experimenting. But you're god damn right I'm having a piece of cake for a celebration. You're god damn right I'm having some wine with my dinner. Fuck you, eating-style labels, and fuck you internet. (just kidding I love you.)

But here it is.

I am breaking up with paleo. I need a break from this unnecessary stress. I might not look great in a bikini in the summer but what the fuck do you want from my life?! I understand where you come from and I get that it works for lots of people. But I am giving it up for a while, just to see how I feel. See how things go. See if I become lighter in all aspects. It doesn't mean I am pigging out on poutine, it means I am going easy on myself from now on.

What do you think of that?

hi

I dunno what to tell you. I'm fat right now. I tried on clothes at Zara and nothing fit well or looked good. I spent a good number of years being able to try things on and feel good, look good in most stores. Things have changed and I don't like it one bit.

Sleep was ok.

Breakfast:
banana / egg/  protein / pb pancakes + berries

Coffees

Lunch:
small can tuna, 1 red pepper, 1/2 avocado

Snack:
Snowpeas + coffee

Dinner:
1.5 sausages, sweet potatoes, zucchini

Today was a fat day and lead me to look up quitting paleo.

4 week 10k countdown

It has begun. I have less than 4 weeks now to build up my endurance to run a 10k, ideally without breaks. My longest run so far has been 6.72km. This weekend will be a full 7k. What I've learned from reading training books, you build up to 10k without actually running the full 10k til race day. So, I have my schedule all written up for the next few weeks. It looks something like this (CF = crossfit, X = rest days)

Week 1:  M: 6.72k  /  T: CF  / W: 6k  / Th: X  /  F: X  / Sat: CF  / Sun:  7k

Week 2:  M: CF  /  T: 7k  /  W: CF  /   Th: X  / Fr: X  /  Sat: CF  /  Sun : 8k

I shift things around depending on what the forecast is, because I can swap CF/run days based on rain. But I need to keep my running at 4x/wk. with CF in between and rest days.

Fuck rain! But please feed my plants :)

Sleep was ok, I had trouble falling asleep which is weird since I ran.

Jamie was off so he made a lovely steak dinner with veggies and a nice bottle of Bordeaux. I know I'm supposed to be off the Jesus juice but come on, it's Jesus juice!!

I had treats this weekend, and ate a crappy meal at Jack Astors. Note to self: don't go to Jack Astors for anything other than the buffalo chicken wings and fries. Period.

I made a little orange loaf cake for my mom, and she made a vanilla cake. No regrets.


Today:

Breakfast:
2 eggs, pumpkin, coconut flakes, strawberries, cashews, bit of almond flour, cinnamon + spices, honey.

Snack at work:
apple + almond butter. Don't buy this, self!

Lunch:
Leftover steak + veg + avocado

Snack:
Lara bar + snow peas

i need to not snack at work. at all.

At home:
Cashews + 1 date

Crossfit. Hard.

Dinner
small can garlic/hot pepper tuna + quinoa
kale - baked with chipotle pepper + chilli powder. OMG, i'm eating the entire bunch.
strawberries

April showers...

Sleep was not great, not bad though. Bad for me is 3 hours.

Breakfast:
pumpkin/protein powder/egg pancakes with berries and a bit of PB and reg B. What.

Snack:
Orange

I need meat in the morning to sustain me til lunch. Tomorrow morn I'm frying up some g. beef.

Lunch:
Shep pie. All gone!

Bought chlorophyll. Tastes like lake water.

Snack:
Apple + sugar snap peas. They tasted weird. Can't wait til the farmers market is back. Fresh seasonal fruit/veggies are the best, man.

Pre CF
1 pumpkin pancake w/butter

Crossfit. Good. Drank protein powder + water during. May sound weird but I really like the taste of my plain powder with water. it tastes like white chocolate to me but not really. Kinda. It's milky or something.

Dinner:
3 bacon, 2 eggs, 1/2 sweet potato, 1/2 acovado. Paleo much?

spring a ling

Today, guys, it feels like spring. I know it's probably gonna get colder this week but I refuse to acknowledge it. We did some spring cleaning this weekend, and I MAJORLY cleaned my room, cleaned the closet out, PUT MY WINTER CLOTHES AWAY and organized things like a creepy person: dresses together, t-shirts together, bed clothes together.. creepy.

Nutrition wasn't bad, but wasn't perfect. I was sick so I didn't work out, I didn't wanna risk extending the sickness into this week, so I chilled. But I feel much better now and I'm ready to train hard for this 10k (and the beaches this summer :). I did have a few alc beverages, which isn't the wisest when you're not feeling great, but no regrets. I also ate a bag of sweet potato chips. Also not wise, but I'm over it.

Sleep was ok, I was coughing a bit in the beginning so it took a while to fall asleep. I need to get a new book - like proper book, not iBook - to wind down with. I started reading a free sample of Wheat Belly, and I'm into it. Shit, I meant to go to Chapters to buy it today. Maybe it's cheaper online.

Breakfast:
1 sausage
sweet potatoes
1/4 avocado
few cashews

Lunch:
leftover shep pie
sugar snap peas
few strawberries/almond butter for dessert.

Crossfit. Metcon kicked my arse, felt good.

Dinner:
Chicken carnitas, kale, red peppers

Cashews and 2 dates

Thurs Fri

Let's see

I worked late again Wednesday night, we had Fresh for dinner. Italian raw bowl. One of the only tasty things on their menu that is paleo. Minus the meat part of paleo because Fresh is vegetarian/vegan.

I snacked on some nuts too that day. Too much nuts.

Thursday:

My sleep was better but I'm not going to bed early enough. Work was to blame for this but even in general. Gotta get on that. It'll be harder come summer.

I have lots of things going through my head at the moment: work / crossfit / health / and a trip to France which is happening/planned. In the stages of planning. We have our flights booked and accomodations sort of taken care of. Car reserved. Hopefully it'll be a relaxing vacation. Wish we could take 3 weeks in a row. This summer will be an expensive one with weddings and travel. Fucking weddings, man. I enjoy weddings, just not the forced events leading up to them. I don't like Jack and Jills and I truly never want to attend one ever again. I'm going to a bachelorette at a cottage which I think is a bit steep in regards to $$$ but fuck. Hoping it'll be fun though.

I verbally ranted with Narine just now about wedding things so my need to write it has passed.

Where was I.. Thursday. yes.

Breakfast:
paleo banana/protein pancakes with berries.

Lunch:
Tuna salad from Fusaro's. Had a bocconcini ball in it. Not paleo, not caring.

Snack
Apple + almond butter.

Pre workout:
banana pancake w/butter

Crossfit:
PR 150# backsquat 1RM
PR 77# shoulder press 1RM

I feel I could have gone heavier but I'm a bit sick right now. So my body isn't 100%.

Dinner:
Tilapia + stir fry broccoli / cauli / garlic / mushroom + bit of soy sauce/sesame oil/ginger
Soy sauce not paleo but not losing sleep over it.

***

Friday:

Sleep wasn't great, like I said before, I'm a bit sick.

Breakfast:
Not too hungry, had a banana/berry/coconut milk/protein smoothie
coffee

I don't record all the coffee I have during the day. On average I have some at breakfast and one or two at work before noon.

Lunch:
leftover tilapia/veg

I'd like to add that I'm proud of two people in my life.
1. Jamie for getting into walking. He's been walking 4km to work each morning for the past two weeks (only missing a few days due to lateness. It happens). That's really great and I'm happy he enjoys it and feels good about it. Maybe we can go for walks on the weekends.

2. My mom. She told me she's lost 25# since her last doc check up. That makes me happy and proud and I think it motivates her to get more healthy. And I'm there if she needs any help.

Wednesday feels like Thursday

Thanks to two nights being late at work, Wednesday feels like Thursday. FUCK. There really is nothing worse (regarding late nights) than late nights on Mon/Tues. It fucking ruins and slows the week so bad. I haven't worked out, I have some personal records to set this week and I feel like my lack of sleep will affect it. :(

Speaking of lack of sleep, my 4 hours was aweseome. Full of anxiety and jitters. Go life.

Yesterday:

B
roast beef, avocado, red pepper

L:
salmon, arugula, red pepper, walnuts, avo/lemon juice dressing

Snack:
roast beef

Later:
walnuts

D 8pm
Salmon + veg stir fry, 1 egg

Today:

roast beef, egg, avocado

L:
ROAST BEEF, veg stirfry

I'm sleep deprived, going through sugar withdrawal so I'm emotional, I have no patience and I just wanna cry. I desperately need to exercise, for my sanity and to help me sleep.

The good news is the scale reads 5 lbs less than Friday. I realize this is water retention but still, it's motivation. Sometimes the scale is motivating but I don't wanna be a slave to it. However, if the batteries hadn't been dead for ages maybe I wouldn't have put on so many pounds.

Snack:
Few spoons almond butter. Damn.