Sunday, December 30, 2012

Year-End 2012

I haven't written a post in a long time, I haven't been obsessed enough, also I've eaten like a fat ass for the past two weeks or more. Not proud. But I have managed to go to the gym 3X each week so that's good. I'm beginning my "Whole 30" again on January 2. More like Whole 35 - I'll do 5 weeks at least. Maybe 6. I watched a vegan docu yesterday which turned me off meat. But really, it's only turned me off factory farmed meat. I wanted to try a vegan challenge instead of paleo but I know I won't get the nutrients I need. Plus you need that protein to lost fat, sorry. I've read up on it and it's true. People argue that we don't need to eat meat, which could be true, but fact is, humans evolved to where we're at because of meat. Why do you think our brains are so big? Google it. And I know for buidling muscle I need that protein and I def won't be living off hemp or pea powder for that source. I'll just never buy grocery store meat and stick to my local ethically raised expensive meat. My conscience is clear.

I'm looking forward to nixing sugar again. It's killer. It fucks everything up and it truly is a drug. We are ALL addicted. Wait til you give it up and you'll see. And that means RARELY eating bananas, apples, all fruit basically. Because it is all high in sugar. Stock up on those veggies, nuts, fats and meats and you'll be fine. No more fruit bowls for breakfast, and like 1-2 apples per week if you're wanting weight loss and a true detox. I need a serious sugar detox so I'm laying off the fruit this coming week f'sho. Bring on the pain, I like seeing change in my body and mood. I'll be shitty for two days, and just fine afterwards. No booze. I'll make the exception for Soundgarden, sorry. But that's it!! I've already got a countdown chalkboard happening in my kitchen, I can't wait til the "Days without sugar" number grows and grows. It shows strength, determination, loyalty. People will try and break you, women will try and break you out of jealousy. They'll want you to fail because the thought of you getting a bangin body and sticking to your word drives them nuts, because they can't. Keep that in mind each time you are 'tempted' by these witches. You dominate when you say no, they back down sheepishly when you say no. And each time you say no, you are one step closer to those abs. Trust.

My goal is to feel and look great in old blue velvet. I'm approaching 31 and I need to keep things tight before they go south, and they will go south if ignored. I'm ignoring my stupid hair until May, when it will be a suitable length for highlighting. It's ugly right now and I'm accepting it.

Anyway, I have chores to do today, groceries to get and friends to meet for dinner. The second-last supper.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

One week til Christmas

And I've never felt less in the spirit as I have at this point in my life. Nothing feels Christmassy. The tree is up and decorations outside and it doesn't make me feel warm. Why? I do enjoy Christmas and all the feelings of nostalgia but I just don't feel it right now. There are no gifts under our tree, I've done no baking whatsoever and I can't help but look forward to when its all overwith. This isn't me at all.

bora bora balls + avocado

at work
peanut butter cup

more boras

Saturday, December 15, 2012


I don't know where to begin. Too much boozing is happening. Also I wore this to Jamies work party last night. The theme was vintage circus, so I was a circus 'strongwoman'. You know those ladies that lift weights n shit. I brought a prop - a fake home made barbell with 100lb 'weights' on the ends. I have regrets about wearing it. YES I wore pantyhose. skin tone ones tho. I didn't feel fat - that may change when I see the photos. FUCK MY LIFE AND THE INTERNET.

I need a proper clothing moderator in my life, and it can't be my male partner. Listen, I wouldn't wear that if it wasn't a fucking costume party, it's not like it was completely inappropriate. Yes it was short and I am tall but so what? Some girls were wearing strapless things.. and short skirts n stuff.. so what's the diff if I was wearing super short shorts?? It wasn't to be sexy, it was the costume. It was simple and made sense to me. I got ready in a sober state so I wasn't wearing beer goggles when I saw myself. Clearly I was confident enough to wear it but maybe I'm too fat for it. Fuuuuh. And what the fuck, people wear less at the beach and at pools so eat shit.

Tonight we have our 'friends' xmas party. There will be lots of food. Shit I need to get booze. Great.

We went out for breakfast at 2pm today. I had a club sandwich + fries. Yay weight gain.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

One point Five

weeks left until Christmas break. WOOO!

Sleep was shit, but my lats were sore from my workout. Yesssssssssss.

2.5 eggs, bacon like yesterday, spinach

Snack at work:
coffee. herbal tea.

leftover cinnamon beef + spaget squash

Tuesday, December 11, 2012


I'm off track. I say that a lot don't I?
Well. I've def gotten fatter. No doubt. I was out of control this past month and I see the results. My enabler at work isn't doing her job! yeah!!! We are supposed to be stopping each other from eating crap.

Me: "I'm getting another piece of chocolate"
Reen: "Get me one too"


I was perfect yesterday, today I had a piece of chocolate (3 squares of a lindt bar) OMG NOT THREE SQUARES!! see how ridiculous I sound? Annoying. But, thats what happens when you are on a constant struggle to lose that fat. Skinny people don't know how good they have it.

Anyway, it was delicious so fuck you.

2.5 eggs, 3 small thin pieces of smoke back bacon type bacon, spinach.

At work:
apple, cashew/coconut butter
coffee x2

leftover roasted chicken, peas, few sweet potats.


I want to not go to the gym tonight. But, maybe I should go when I don't want to go. It's a challenge in itself. The reason is because of the metcon. It is a "6 rounds for time" which means I'l be last and take fucking half an hour. Man Makers is the killer.

Anyway. I'm going tonight. I won't regret it after.

Went to Crossfit. It was good, small group. I wasn't last! But.. I didn't use 20lbs for my man makers like I probably should have. I wimped and used 15s. if it were AMRAP I would have tho.

spinach + tuna + tomatoes w/olive oil n lemon juice
protein powder w/almond milk and water. This is my dinner drink. I'm pounding the protein, seeing what it does for me.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012


This week has been pretty good. I slipped a bit and had a small piece of that banana cake. It was ok, it tasted like vanilla cake with banana in it. Perhaps boxed. I also had 2 caramel hershey kisses. Not worth the sugar.

Went to crossfit last night.

A. Back Squat. 5@75%, 3@85%, 1@90%, 3×1-2@95% = 5x95 lb, 3x110 lb, 1x120 lb, 3x2 @ 125 lb. I guess my 1rep max for backsquat is higher than 130. 125 wasn't "easy" but it wasn't scary. Big tings!!

B. Group metcon:

5min AMRAP:
5 burpees
10 KB swings to chin level (24kg/16kg)
Rest 4mins
5min AMRAP
5 wall ball
5 box jumps

Hate burpees, they hurt my knees and guess what - I suck at pushups. I am going to fix this. kettlebell swings I like. Wall balls I love, they make me feel like my legs and ass are looking better by the squat. I used the 12 lb ball for that. Go!

Food Monday:
2.5 egg omelette w/goat cheese and mushrooms

blueberries and cashew butter

leftover shep pie

apple w/cashew butter

cashew butter is all gone. good!

Din post-CF:
made a frittata. super quick, easy:
chopped broccoli / 1 red pepper / slices of salami / few pieces sun dried tomatoes / goat cheese
10 eggs
bit of coconut milk
dried basil, s&p

just fuggin throw whatever veggies you have on-hand into the pan, pour your beat eggs over top. then you're g2g.

all in a greased pan, 375ยบ for about 35 min. Delish. I think the pan needs more greasing or something.
This is a quick high protein healthy food to have on-hand. This means we have lunches the rest of the week.


Sleep was shit

raspberries + 1/2 banana + seed protein shit + coco milk.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Ohh kay clearly I was having a PMS/exhaustion breakdown last week. I don't feel as fat as I did on Thursday or Friday. Last night I did though. I was staring at myself in the mirror. Now, I don't know if I've gained my fat back that I lost during the challenge, or if I'm just used to my body and now I think that even THIS body is too fat. Which might mean I have body image issues ("might" - haha) or maybe I'm a bit fatter than in October. Now, I don't want to sound like I'm saying that I think I'm obese, I'm merely complaining about my appearance based on my own personal goals and standards. Don't worry, I'm fully aware of what fat is and I know how annoying it is when "skinny" people bitch about their weight. But I DO know that I'm not skinny - not that I want to be but you know what I mean by all this.

I have two weeks to tone up and fit into old blue velvet. In a perfect Michelle world, I will challenge myself and go every morning to crossfit - well at least 4X this week because I am busy Wed-Frid and that is not acceptable for my fitness.

I'll let you know if it happens.

Sleep was great, I fuckin slept the SHIT outta that bed last night. And I woke up with a headache. Those are the best sleeps cuz you sleep past your normal caffeine time and then get a headache. Good times.

2 bacon
2.5 egg omelett w/goat cheese. Good shit

A few spoons of cashew/coconut butter. Yum.

Got groceries, I'm stacked for the week. Let's hope I come home after work and don't work til late.

WF Shep pie. The good shit.

I just finished making dairy free eggnog.
Here is the recipe:

4 egg yolks
2.25 cups unsweetened vanilla almond milk
1 – 400mL can of full-fat coconut milk *see note
¼ cup palm sugar
2 tsp pure gluten-free vanilla extract
1 tsp ground nutmeg *see note
1 tsp ground cinnamon
pinch allspice

If you don't know how to separate egg yolks, look it up and friggin learn how.
Place egg yolks in a small mixing bowl and set aside
Combine remaining ingredients in a medium sized saucepan and bring to a simmer on medium heat.
Reduce heat to low.
Slowly add approximately ¼ cup of the hot liquids to the egg yolks while whisking continuously.  - you don't want scrambled eggs. Continue until you’ve added about one cup of the liquid mixture to the egg yolks before transferring the yolks to the pot.
Bring back up to medium heat and whisk while simmering for 4 minutes.
Remove from heat and serve immediately or pour in a mason jar and refrigerate.
Best sprinkled with a touch of ground cinnamon and nutmeg!

Ok I've finished making it. I think there is too much cinnamon. It's all I smell. I would reduce the amount of cinnamon next time. isn't eggnog all about the nutmeg anyway?? But, not a bad try for my first attempt. If you buy eggnog at the store, look at the ingredients. It's ridic. Fucking make your own, you lazy ass. It doesn't even have to be dairy free and takes like 20 minutes.


homemade dairy free eggnog is shit. I don't like almond milk, it always tastes burnt to me. I think there was too much cinnamon and not enough sugar. Eggnog is supposed to be sweet, don't try and change that. The consistency was correct, thick like eggnog. That was the only thing eggnoggy about it. That and the nutmeg. I'll give it another go though.