Sunday, April 28, 2013


Sat on the front porch and ate breakfast, drank my coffee and spied on the neighbourhood. Summer is coming.. RIGHT?!

2 rice cakes, pb, raspberries, coconut.

Going to a bridal shower today. I'm sure there will be lots of treats, but Nadia and I are going for a run together right after so that'll keep me from overeating. I'll eat for energy and perhaps treat myself to one thing. May challenge is happening - whether I officially participate or not - and I'm starting now.

Competition is fun. I'm not starving, I'm eating whole, nutritious foods. Protein. No sugar/wheat/corn. Watch. I'm curious to see how other people do. You think it's easy dropping sugar from your diet? People will still eat honey and other "natural" sweeteners I'm sure. Which essentially isn't giving up sugar at all so they'll never know what it's really like or the true effects (haaaa). But, I'm not preaching to everyone. They can fucking learn on their own and think they're 'off sugar'. But when you do drop sugar in ALL FORMS, you know it. And you see it. But why would I encourage people I'm competing against? That doesn't work in my favour.

Happy Sunday, it's beautiful out today.

Saturday, April 27, 2013

errhhm Weekend

Friday night I went out for dinner with mah fren. I had ribs, yam fries, a polenta thing, wine and an awesome brownie a la mode.

No regrets, ALL GOOD.

Sleep was bad because my cramps kicked my ass. Went out for breakfast, I had an omelette, sweet potato/white potato hash and toast. Ok, I fucking love toast and I miss it. Toast with butter is the fucking BOMB. And you know what, I feel fine. I'm not gassy and I had plenty of energy for my 6.9km run. I could have done a whole 7 or even 7.5 but the route I mapped ended up at just under 7km. I'm ok with it. Tomorrow it's an 8km.


Period has arrived, late and with a vengeance. This explains some of my bloating this week. Had bad cramps in the night though.

We're doing a fitness - nutrition challenge at work. For the month of May. the rules aren't clear yet, but one of them is working out 6 days a week, which, once I realized that, is too much. I think it should be minimum 4 days, you need rest days when exercising. We all know what happens when you over exercise. you put stress on your body, increase cortisol and put on weight. Fat. Lost muscle. All of which we don't want. I'm gona push this at our meeting Monday. If you wanna work out 6 days, go ahead, but we should put a realistic, healthy minimum as the requirement. OR, I just won't participate. :) I don't need extra pressures about fitness and diet.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Where was i?

I don't feel like recalling all that I ate yesterday. It was average, I also ran 5.82km. I was aiming for 7km but I truly wasn't feeling it. I had low energy. I thought that by eating that sweet potato at 4pm would give me a carb energy jolt. It did the opposite. Noted.

Made cauli pizza inspired by Narine. It was really good and we ate 3 pieces each. Also had a glass of wine and some cadbury chocolate. Whoops. It fucked up my sleep, not good.


Breakfast Smoothie:
1/2 banana, blueberries, raspberries, coconut milk, protein pwd and kale. The kale was meh. kinda made it taste "green". But I needed to use it up.

At work:
the other half of my banana + 1 hard boiled egg. I can't do smoothies for breakfast, I never learn. Tomorrow I'm eating a proper meal. Eggs. Eggs and cauli pizza.

1 red pepper, eggplant strata

2 mini cupcakes. I only regret it because the sugar fucked my mood. I was ok eating the calories. It was the effects of the sugar I didn't dig.

I worked a bit late, I wasn't prepared food-wise. I ate a small bowl of chips because I was ravenous and hangry.

Also ate an apple and another egg. I was super hungry today and none of my meals sufficed.

At home, eggplant strata AGAIN, quinoa and kale chips.

rice cake + pb + honey + coconut.

I calculated my calories, I've consumed about 2000. Wow. Apparently that is still less than I require. So crazy.


It's been about a week since I had my fuck paleo epiphany. And you know what? I don't know how I feel about it. I mean, yes, I am more relaxed and not kicking my own ass for "cheats" but at the same time, I just feel better eating clean. I like not being bloated. I literally felt like garbage AFTER I ate that cupcake. I know how my body reacts to things. And I like being part of a healthy lifestyle. I want to fuel my body for the day, for my workouts, for my sleeps. And it's kind of fun focusing on healthy foods. Just not obsessing. Which is difficult, given my personality. I feel bloated and large, I am not ok with it. Granted my period is due any day now.. but still. I felt fat before this. Not just feel, I IS fat right now. Fat for my own standards and I'm beyond my comfort in regards to body composition. I'm annoying myself right now actually because I won't shut up about it.

The thing is, it's been a long time since I've learnt this way of eating, and I've become accustom to it. My meals are meat + veg. I like having a full high protein breakfast, it keeps me full for longer. I don't know if I wanna stray from that. It might just be the fat/protein/carb ration that did it. Perhaps I was just off. I'm still figuring it out. I have 8 weeks until vacation. Plenty of time to clean up my act without killing myself.


Monday, April 22, 2013

Monday Meh

Sleep wasn't graet. I blame the sugar.

raspberries, coconut flakes, cacao nibs, coconut/almond milk, cinnamon.
piece of the GF lemon loaf my friend made. It had buckwheat in it. Gave me gas.

Self: buckwheat - NO.

small apple + almond butter. not buying anymore almond butter

Rapini + eggplant strata

1 homemade cookie, it was a plain sugar cookie. Not worth it considering all that I ate this weekend. Yes I still think like this and YES I need moderation, not daily treats. 1 Cheat day a week works better than spread out daily snacks. Fuck that.

The only good thing about having goodies in the office is that I can watch other people eat them and feel better about myself and my strength - if I have it at that moment. Yes I want to relax but I'm not getting fatter because of it.

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Eat the food

Yesterday at our family party I ate everything. Pick something, anything, I probably ate it. And drank some.

Sleep was kind of shit because I was gassy and full. Ain't nothin free, homie. Granted I shouldn't have had the pizza, pasta, bread, cupcakes, regular cake, ice cream cake,,, see? I wasn't exaggerating. But damn was it good. Ice cream cake?. Are you kidding? I fucking LOVE ICE CREAM CAKE. I'm a bit disgusted with myself but on the bright side, I had a nice fresh fruity breakfast today and completed a 7km run no problem. I could have ran farther. Further? Next week, 8k nbd.

Clean mind, clean food, carbs, no stress. Week 1 of new approach has begun. Today we feast at brothers for mothers bday round 2. Bring it.

I suggest you read gokaleo blog. It's wonderful, positive and doesn't shame you into calorie restriction. Also check this out. If you must count calories, use this calculator. You'd be surprise at how many calories your body actually requires, good to know healthy doesn't mean hungry.


Saturday, April 20, 2013

Friday of new life

On my way to freedom. I had a good day Friday. I cant say that I didn't stress over food at all,m or go to my calorie counter at any point, but I did let go and eat things I wouldn't normally eat on a paleo diet.

Breakfast was my banana, raspberry, coconut flake, flax,cashew cereal. I could have done without the cashews. Or not. It was delicious and refreshing.

At work I had a few handfuls of a trail mix which had m&ms in it. Plus candied nuts. Ok I know I shouldn't go wild on sugar but I also shouldn't stress about it.

Lunch was sushi with friends. It was delicious. I was definitely burping it later in the evening so maybe it's not that great after all. 

A work I had some cider, beer and treats. 

Went to crossfit, it was a mega squat day and today my legs hurt. I love that.

Had a sausage and veggies for dinner. Later had wine and popcorn! Mmmm.

However I was full all night, even going to bed. I don't like that feeling, I prefer going to bed a bit hungry.

Anyway, today we have my aunts bday. I will be eating great food and seeing my family. Nothing stressful about that!!

Tomorrow I will run 7km, just like I promised myself.

Is morning I had rice cakes, pb, coconut flakes , cinnamon and honey. Followed by a simple protein smoothie of frozen berries, chlorophyll, protein, coconut milk from a can (it was thick like cool whip so I put 3spoons of it) topped it off with water and cocoa powder. It wasn't delicious but it wasn't bad.

I'm going to get groceries soon. I will still be buying lots of veg and healthy meat. But I'm also buying quinoa and maybe even organic Greek yogurt.. Maybe. I don't know if I'm ready for rice pasta just yet.

That's it. 

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Why I'm Quitting Paleo.

After my horrific (exaggerating) shopping experience, a meat heavy dinner and a relaxing night at home, I came to the decision I am "quitting paleo". It's been just over a year since I've adopted this diet–all on my own, I might add. I've completed two 5 week challenges (voluntarily!) and kept my diet MOSTLY paleo the rest of the time. I've avoided grains, sugars (on and off) and kept my meat/fat/veg intake pretty high. I've gotten my fats from nuts, avocados, healthy oils and animals. I've tried recipes, I've avoided certain social situations and I've cut back on my drinking. Yet here I am, fatter than I was a year ago. I am working out more. I am SO conscious of what I eat, but perhaps to the point of my demise. This obsession with weight loss, this struggle with food is doing no good for my mind or body. I think too much about what I eat, I get stressed out when I "fail" or "cheat", and I truly can't go on living this way. If I look back on my thinner days, you know what? I wasn't even eating paleo. Sure, I don't want sugar in my life daily, I can totally keep that promise. But I can't promise I won't have rice sometimes, quinoa, fucking BREAD here and there. And I DONT wanna feel guilty about it. I want variety in my diet. I want to fucking eat PEANUT BUTTER on my rice cakes in the morning if I have a craving, and I want to do it all without ANY negative feelings. I can't avoid feeling like shit when I gorge on chips or drink my face off. That is my own fault and I can own that (but sometimes it's worth it :). But if I want to make rice pasta one night, I'm going to fucking make it. I want regular potatoes around my roast. I want to make potato wedges sometimes and eat them with ketchup. I miss cheese! MAYBE I want to eat some pad thai. But mostly, I want to increase my raw veg/fruit intake. I am no longer looking at fruit as "bad" or "too much sugar". Fuck that. Fresh fruits and vegetables are beautiful and I will eat them when I FEEL like eating them. Over the past year I have conditioned myself to fear grains, fear "too much fruit", and believe that paleo is the way to go. But you know what? Maybe it's not. Maybe there IS such thing as too much meat/fat. For me. For my body. There is no such thing as a universal diet that works for everyone. Maybe I'm supposed to eat more of a Mediterranean diet? I mean I have roots down there. Maybe That's my thing. NO! I don't want a "thing". I don't want to eat a certain way or label my life. I want to live my life. Enjoy things I enjoy. Eat delicious, nutrient-dense foods. Stay active, physically, mentally, creatively. I don't want to have bad associations with food and I'm sick of guilt. I'm sick of feeling fat and looking at my fat belly in the mirror. Fuck that and fuck your labels. You give your body what it wants, craves, needs. OK not YOU, ME. I am listening to my body from now on and I'm not beating myself up about made-up bad choices. I've decided what I fear and I've created this orthorexic monster, I can own this. But from now on, I will not google whether a food is paleo, or a certain ingredient is paleo. If I want to make a dessert, I will make it to the fullest. Don't get me wrong, I will still make "healthy" treats, I just feel better doing it and like experimenting. But you're god damn right I'm having a piece of cake for a celebration. You're god damn right I'm having some wine with my dinner. Fuck you, eating-style labels, and fuck you internet. (just kidding I love you.)

But here it is.

I am breaking up with paleo. I need a break from this unnecessary stress. I might not look great in a bikini in the summer but what the fuck do you want from my life?! I understand where you come from and I get that it works for lots of people. But I am giving it up for a while, just to see how I feel. See how things go. See if I become lighter in all aspects. It doesn't mean I am pigging out on poutine, it means I am going easy on myself from now on.

What do you think of that?

Wednesday, April 17, 2013


I dunno what to tell you. I'm fat right now. I tried on clothes at Zara and nothing fit well or looked good. I spent a good number of years being able to try things on and feel good, look good in most stores. Things have changed and I don't like it one bit.

Sleep was ok.

banana / egg/  protein / pb pancakes + berries


small can tuna, 1 red pepper, 1/2 avocado

Snowpeas + coffee

1.5 sausages, sweet potatoes, zucchini

Today was a fat day and lead me to look up quitting paleo.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

4 week 10k countdown

It has begun. I have less than 4 weeks now to build up my endurance to run a 10k, ideally without breaks. My longest run so far has been 6.72km. This weekend will be a full 7k. What I've learned from reading training books, you build up to 10k without actually running the full 10k til race day. So, I have my schedule all written up for the next few weeks. It looks something like this (CF = crossfit, X = rest days)

Week 1:  M: 6.72k  /  T: CF  / W: 6k  / Th: X  /  F: X  / Sat: CF  / Sun:  7k

Week 2:  M: CF  /  T: 7k  /  W: CF  /   Th: X  / Fr: X  /  Sat: CF  /  Sun : 8k

I shift things around depending on what the forecast is, because I can swap CF/run days based on rain. But I need to keep my running at 4x/wk. with CF in between and rest days.

Fuck rain! But please feed my plants :)

Sleep was ok, I had trouble falling asleep which is weird since I ran.

Jamie was off so he made a lovely steak dinner with veggies and a nice bottle of Bordeaux. I know I'm supposed to be off the Jesus juice but come on, it's Jesus juice!!

I had treats this weekend, and ate a crappy meal at Jack Astors. Note to self: don't go to Jack Astors for anything other than the buffalo chicken wings and fries. Period.

I made a little orange loaf cake for my mom, and she made a vanilla cake. No regrets.


2 eggs, pumpkin, coconut flakes, strawberries, cashews, bit of almond flour, cinnamon + spices, honey.

Snack at work:
apple + almond butter. Don't buy this, self!

Leftover steak + veg + avocado

Lara bar + snow peas

i need to not snack at work. at all.

At home:
Cashews + 1 date

Crossfit. Hard.

small can garlic/hot pepper tuna + quinoa
kale - baked with chipotle pepper + chilli powder. OMG, i'm eating the entire bunch.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

April showers...

Sleep was not great, not bad though. Bad for me is 3 hours.

pumpkin/protein powder/egg pancakes with berries and a bit of PB and reg B. What.


I need meat in the morning to sustain me til lunch. Tomorrow morn I'm frying up some g. beef.

Shep pie. All gone!

Bought chlorophyll. Tastes like lake water.

Apple + sugar snap peas. They tasted weird. Can't wait til the farmers market is back. Fresh seasonal fruit/veggies are the best, man.

Pre CF
1 pumpkin pancake w/butter

Crossfit. Good. Drank protein powder + water during. May sound weird but I really like the taste of my plain powder with water. it tastes like white chocolate to me but not really. Kinda. It's milky or something.

3 bacon, 2 eggs, 1/2 sweet potato, 1/2 acovado. Paleo much?

Monday, April 8, 2013

spring a ling

Today, guys, it feels like spring. I know it's probably gonna get colder this week but I refuse to acknowledge it. We did some spring cleaning this weekend, and I MAJORLY cleaned my room, cleaned the closet out, PUT MY WINTER CLOTHES AWAY and organized things like a creepy person: dresses together, t-shirts together, bed clothes together.. creepy.

Nutrition wasn't bad, but wasn't perfect. I was sick so I didn't work out, I didn't wanna risk extending the sickness into this week, so I chilled. But I feel much better now and I'm ready to train hard for this 10k (and the beaches this summer :). I did have a few alc beverages, which isn't the wisest when you're not feeling great, but no regrets. I also ate a bag of sweet potato chips. Also not wise, but I'm over it.

Sleep was ok, I was coughing a bit in the beginning so it took a while to fall asleep. I need to get a new book - like proper book, not iBook - to wind down with. I started reading a free sample of Wheat Belly, and I'm into it. Shit, I meant to go to Chapters to buy it today. Maybe it's cheaper online.

1 sausage
sweet potatoes
1/4 avocado
few cashews

leftover shep pie
sugar snap peas
few strawberries/almond butter for dessert.

Crossfit. Metcon kicked my arse, felt good.

Chicken carnitas, kale, red peppers

Cashews and 2 dates

Friday, April 5, 2013

Thurs Fri

Let's see

I worked late again Wednesday night, we had Fresh for dinner. Italian raw bowl. One of the only tasty things on their menu that is paleo. Minus the meat part of paleo because Fresh is vegetarian/vegan.

I snacked on some nuts too that day. Too much nuts.


My sleep was better but I'm not going to bed early enough. Work was to blame for this but even in general. Gotta get on that. It'll be harder come summer.

I have lots of things going through my head at the moment: work / crossfit / health / and a trip to France which is happening/planned. In the stages of planning. We have our flights booked and accomodations sort of taken care of. Car reserved. Hopefully it'll be a relaxing vacation. Wish we could take 3 weeks in a row. This summer will be an expensive one with weddings and travel. Fucking weddings, man. I enjoy weddings, just not the forced events leading up to them. I don't like Jack and Jills and I truly never want to attend one ever again. I'm going to a bachelorette at a cottage which I think is a bit steep in regards to $$$ but fuck. Hoping it'll be fun though.

I verbally ranted with Narine just now about wedding things so my need to write it has passed.

Where was I.. Thursday. yes.

paleo banana/protein pancakes with berries.

Tuna salad from Fusaro's. Had a bocconcini ball in it. Not paleo, not caring.

Apple + almond butter.

Pre workout:
banana pancake w/butter

PR 150# backsquat 1RM
PR 77# shoulder press 1RM

I feel I could have gone heavier but I'm a bit sick right now. So my body isn't 100%.

Tilapia + stir fry broccoli / cauli / garlic / mushroom + bit of soy sauce/sesame oil/ginger
Soy sauce not paleo but not losing sleep over it.



Sleep wasn't great, like I said before, I'm a bit sick.

Not too hungry, had a banana/berry/coconut milk/protein smoothie

I don't record all the coffee I have during the day. On average I have some at breakfast and one or two at work before noon.

leftover tilapia/veg

I'd like to add that I'm proud of two people in my life.
1. Jamie for getting into walking. He's been walking 4km to work each morning for the past two weeks (only missing a few days due to lateness. It happens). That's really great and I'm happy he enjoys it and feels good about it. Maybe we can go for walks on the weekends.

2. My mom. She told me she's lost 25# since her last doc check up. That makes me happy and proud and I think it motivates her to get more healthy. And I'm there if she needs any help.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Wednesday feels like Thursday

Thanks to two nights being late at work, Wednesday feels like Thursday. FUCK. There really is nothing worse (regarding late nights) than late nights on Mon/Tues. It fucking ruins and slows the week so bad. I haven't worked out, I have some personal records to set this week and I feel like my lack of sleep will affect it. :(

Speaking of lack of sleep, my 4 hours was aweseome. Full of anxiety and jitters. Go life.


roast beef, avocado, red pepper

salmon, arugula, red pepper, walnuts, avo/lemon juice dressing

roast beef


D 8pm
Salmon + veg stir fry, 1 egg


roast beef, egg, avocado

ROAST BEEF, veg stirfry

I'm sleep deprived, going through sugar withdrawal so I'm emotional, I have no patience and I just wanna cry. I desperately need to exercise, for my sanity and to help me sleep.

The good news is the scale reads 5 lbs less than Friday. I realize this is water retention but still, it's motivation. Sometimes the scale is motivating but I don't wanna be a slave to it. However, if the batteries hadn't been dead for ages maybe I wouldn't have put on so many pounds.

Few spoons almond butter. Damn.