Thursday, November 29, 2012


Major fat day in effect. I've mentioned my loss of control and now I'm seeing the results of it. I had a pair of jeans that fit nicely post-challenge. Now they are back to tight and not fitting. I'm not impressed with myself at all. Not to mention I've been working all week and only been to the gym Monday. Not happy about this one bit.

I hate that my body just goes back to fat as soon as it gets a chance. Like, fucking stay healthy!!!! WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!

I have two weeks to fit into my velvet dress for xmas party. Im wearing it goddammit. Fuck you fatness and period!

Sleep was fine, not long enough and full of bizarro dreams about my grandfather and my dad.

protein smoothie. no eggs. FML.

Snack at work
apple with cashew butter on TWO SLICES. Look at me cutting down all weight-watchers like. fuck you.

Lunch? Who cares. Water and water probably. Oh wait I brought lunch. A small can of tuna, spinach, mushrooms and a tomato.

Remember how shitty I felt today? Well I had chinese food for dinner bot by choice but I did choose to eat it. Naughty. This marked my last time ever eating chinese takeout. It's gross and it is NOT late night work fuel.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Busy Long Week

This week is busy and LONG. It's only Wednesday and there is still so much more to do. I tried wearing my hair messy curly but by the time i got to work it was a big frazzled mess. With my black blazer and leggings, I looked straight from a Tim Burton film set. I controlled the mop once I saw myself.

froz berries, 1/2 banana pancake, some seed mix, coconut milk and cashew/coconut butter.

We are out of eggs. I prefer not to eat sweet things in the morning, all it does is hike your blood sugars and make you crave all day #fact. Bananas every day are a no-no cuz of the sugar content. AND berries. Need to get more eggs, they are really the best thing to eat in the morning, unless you have other dinner leftovers.


As I just finish eating 4 hershey kisses out of stress.

That's all for sugar today though, I swear. I have to buy my lunch which I'm not crazy about. Need meat and veg. Where?

Monday, November 26, 2012

Last week of November. Good riddance.

Sleep was bad.

2.5 eggs, mushrooms + 1/4 avocado

Snack at work:
apple w/cashew butter.

leftovers from last night.

Ideally I will go to CF Mon-Wed then Saturday morning and a run on Sunday.
I actually wouldn't mind going to yoga too. Look at me being all ambitious and stuff!!

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Winter times

I'm not catching up, I don't even know when I posted last. But I can tell you I've mega failed these past few weeks. I've been eating a lot of chocolate. If it's in my house, I eat it. and I almost eat it to get rid of it. If its Cadbury, it's over. Never bring me chocolate, I'm serious. ANYTHING but chocolate.

Worked 3X at crossfit this week and ran today. Quite proud of this. I'll continue with this behaviour this week and hopefully each week. But life happens so you know how it is. I've been a good girl today - aside from a handful of regular chips - and I'm not lying about a handful. I didn't eat anything until about 3:30 today for reasons. But after 3:30 I had:

4 meatballs
1/2 avocado + small tomato w/hot sauce/balsamic (new fave way to eat avos)
1 apple w/peanut butter
few spoons of freshly made coconut/casher butter. So good!!

Chicken carnitas are cooking right now. Will have them with sweet potatoes and kale I think.

I'm a bit tired today, didn't sleep well due to booze. I was hungover this morning. But I sucked it up and went for a 5k with my friend. It was awesome.

a new week, and NO TREATS! at least not every fucking day. Not eating starburst or chocolates. Strict so I can fit into my velvet dress for the work xmas pahty.

chicken carnitas, kale, sweet potatoes

coconut milk hot chocolate. Underwhelming.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012


Sleep was ok, woke up tickly coughing fit. Hey at least it's only once a night now. :|

blueberries + 1 protein carrot muffin.

Snack at work:
apple + cashew buttah

1/2 stuffed pepper

I had a craving for orange starburst. I satisfied that craving with 5 of them.

Tonight I'm skipping the gym and getting a massage. My neck is still sore from crooked sick sleeping.

I'll probably go tomorrow night instead of my writing class. Turns out I don't like school after all.

Monday, November 19, 2012


Sleep was not great, woke up with a tickly cough at like 4am or so. Jamie was up with a sore throat. Our house is plagued with.. the plague.

1/4 meatza + 1/2 avocado + coffee

I ate too much this weekend, I abused my stomach and I didn't even have any fun doing it. It was just a shitty eaty weekend for no reason. It's not like I went out and drank and had 3am pizza and then felt like shit. I just ate to eat at home, never left the house aside from groceries. Fun times. My gut is angry for it, I can feel it. I also feel like I have 3 chins right now.

back to crossfit tonight though. Can't wait.

Lunch was stuffed red pepper

Snacks later:
carrot paleo muffin 
apple  w/cashew butter.

2 tomatos, small can tuna + half avocado

I made more muffins, this time I added protein powder.

quick breakfasts for the week.

Crossfit was great, it was tough since I am recovering from being sick. But back atter!

Sunday, November 18, 2012

New Things

I cannot WAIT to go back to crossfit again. It's been over two weeks and I want my routine back. I feel like a fatty unhealthy mcgee, I've slipped down an eating crap slope and I need to get back on trizzack.

I made the Well Fed Meatza last night. It was ok. I think I'd rather make a 'paleo' crust out of whatever flours as opposed to eating ALL MEAT pizza. It was good, but it doesn't satisfy a pizza craving. I went to Magic Oven the other night and got a GF pizza w/sweet potatoes, figs, gorganzola.. it was SO GOOD. The crust was a GF rice flour one (faileo) but still easy to digest compared to regular crust. I think I'm going to search for the perfect nut flour crust. I bet it doesn't exist, but it's worth a try so I can mimic that particular pizza.

I also ate a few chunks of chocolate from a massive fake toblerone bar. As well, a bag of "pop chips". Not the small personal bag, the large bag. And the large is not large actually. Friday I had a beer or two and some chips. Bad news. Control resumes today. No excuses anymore, and I'll get back on recording my eats now.

I made this my iphone wallpaper:

Not only do I think it's a super haaawwwwt photo, I think it's actually a great shot and quite beautiful. But the reason it is my wallpaper is MOTIVATION. I have a hard time starving myself so I'm going to have to step up my nutrition/exercise game. Fuck you snacks! (there are carrot/banana muffins in my oven right now - paleo though!). I have carrots that need using, figured I'd try a new recipe.

Gonna get running back into my life too. It's good for the soul.

Sleep was fine, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than the past week and a half. I can sleep now, without hacking my brains out. Fantastic. However my poo is off-track. You care. This is what happens with a sedentary life. I can't believe how long I went without regular awesome exercise. What a fatass.

veggie omelette, few berries + coffee
small handfull of cashews - eating berries and drinking coffee doesn't mix, so I "cleanse the palette".

Ugh, speaking of palettes, I need to come up with some artwork within the next 2 weeks for an art show put on by a video place in the biz. I might reuse the masks. Is that ok? Do I care? I don't see anything wrong with using the same art at two different shows. Maybe if I feel inspired i'll come up with something new.

Can I just mention that whenever I see paris on the tele I sort of want to cry? No joke. I can't wait to go back.

Friday, November 16, 2012

ty red

Guys, I'm not "back" yet. I still don't feel better. I have this annoying cough that only wants to act up when it's sleep time. So, I've barely slept this past week and a half. Fucking brutal. Each night I gauge how good my sleep was by comparing it to the night before.
"I slept much better tonight. Maybe even 4 hours.. better than last night."
Nevermind getting like 7-8 hours of sleep straight. I forget what that is even. Each night I think to myself, tonight is the night. I'm tired, the coughing is less... but what happens? I lie down and cough city. Terrible. I am so so tired. I think my abs hurt from coughing. My FACE hurts from coughing. Honestly, I'd rather be barfing for a week than hacking my brains out. Seriously.

I also feel like I'm getting fatter. I can totally see it in my belly. I HATE not being able to work out. I want to be able to wear my velvet dress for the Christmas party.. but I bought it at a nice thinner time, and I'm skurd Imma look like a sausage heffer in it. I just want to feel normal again.

3 banana pancakes. You know the ones.

At work:
more coffee, more banana cakes.

piece of chicken breast, half a sausage, bowl of mixed berries/honey.

Now, I'm not busy at all and I want to eat for no reason. I might go home, I'm exhausted and could use a nap.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

off track

I have fallen off track harrrrd.
Last weekend was too boozy. There was pizza ordered at an ungodly hour, I had two slices and immediately slept. BAD. Then had eggs benny at a pub for breakfast + most of a caesar. BAD. definitely ate some mini chocolate bars AND an ice cream sandwich. BAD. I managed to steer clear of the fajita shells, but I had sour cream/cheese on my makeshift fajita salad. Meh. Funny how when I try so hard for weeks and feel good, a few bad choices seem to erase all my hard work. Not to mention I haven't worked out in over a week now. This is due to sickness and work. I guess we all need a break sometimes. Working too much + sickness also throws the eating off track. My grocery situation was shit all week, my meals not balanced and not eating the right things. When you're sick, preparing meat heavy dishes is not a priority. Eating what is available, is.

Right now it's 3:38am Saturday morning. My sore throat is much less sore, mostly gone actually. But now this sickness has migrated to my chest and I keep waking up coughing. To the point where I'm now sitting in the kitchen drinking a gross Neo Citran, in hopes it will suppress it and allow me to sleep. Did I mention it's expired? Only buy a month or two. Desperate times..My sleeps the past few nights have been minimal, and not due to my usual insomnia. This time it's coughing, weird dreams and sweats. I was having a pissed-off-at-jamie dream just now. We were fighting, it was frustrating.

When this is all done, I'm going back hardcore. Fuck this. I felt great eating the way I did during the challenge. Of course the non drinking lack of social life was mega depressing, but so is booze. So.. might as well have the odd good night instead of hermitting. I can't hermit too much, sorry.

I should get back on noting my foods and exercise, too. It's good for my brain to see what I'm consuming and what I'm doing about my muscles. Also mega slacking in this writing class. Clearly, I hate learning. I can't do classrooms anymore. I could do a craft class of some sort, and art class. I realize writing is art, but it's not the art I'm used to. It's not visual. I enjoy writing, but I enjoy it on MY terms. Assignments don't interest me. Or do they? Perhaps I'm not taking as much advantage of this class as I should. But gimme a break, it's my first writing class, my first time back in a class like this since college which was like 8 years ago. Whoa.

I want to squeeze yoga in once a week now that the cold weather has arrived. I've got a few more classes at the hot yoga gym nearby, myaswell use them. When those are done, I'll consider trying non-hot yoga. I need to learn more about this zen/meditation thing. I love crossfit, I like running when it suits me, but class exercises are just weird sometimes. Always feels like a competition. yeah, I get it, you're good at yoga, calm down. You're also 110 lbs, 5'5", gimme a break. Watch out while Arnold over here tries this graceful thing. I do suck.

Also, I hate my hair. Who let me cut it off?! Never satisfied, this girl. I have an ugly 90s teacher mushroom cut happening right now. I know I'm supposed to cut it in order for it to grow... but when you want longer hair, this concept seems retarded. I keep pushing off my appointment to 'clean up the back' but then I keep thinking, well if I cut it.. then it has to grow more to get back to that length! Eff. It's ALMOST bob worthy. I say by January but really do I have to go through Christmas with ugly in-between hair? I enjoy my slick back hair, I watched a few tutorials on pompadours. Tomorrow (today) when it becomes day time, I'm going to maybe walk to shoppers and check out the pomade situation. Apparently the modern greasers use pomade. I want to perfect the pomp while my hair growz.

Update: I went back to bed and woke up at 10:30, oblivious to the time. I could have slept longer. I'm having a weird sharp lower left back pain..not sure what that's about. I think I need a massage. I think my belly is getting fatter again. Fuck!

K, banana fake pancake time.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012


i'm sick right now. i had a terrible sleep, woke up with a super sore throat at god know what hour.. tossed and turned, was uncomfortable, mildy feverish. the sore throat kind of went away in the morning, but its still here now. i hate that i feel like i can't call in sick because there is no one here. what the fuck. if i don't feel better later, not coming in tomorrow. I need to sleep.