THURSDAAAAAY + Friday

Almost weekend. GO GO GO.

Sleep was not great, I should have gone to bed earlier. Also that tea before bed made me have to pee in the night. Je n'aime pas.

I wish I could go to the gym tonight, but I need to go and socialize with work. The bausses are in town and taking us all out. It would be rude and non-participanty not to. I'll go Friday night like a loner instead.

And Saturday to make sure I get in 3X.

Breakfast:
2 eggs omelette w/red pepper and goat cheese.
Coffee

Lunch:
chilli, spinach

banana/pumpk butter

Went to pub with work, looking back, I should have gone home and gone to the gym. Noted for future. Not because I didn't enjoy myself but because I drank wine and ate unhealthy pub crap. Tastey, but not good for me. Huge fail, and on top of that, I had THE WORST SLEEP. I fell asleep at like 11 only to wake up at (what I thought was like 4am) then I finally looked at the clock after tossing and turning for at least an hour and it was 2:48am. This is a good thing and a bad thing for insomniacs. Good because it seems like you have an opportunity to get a good ish night's sleep, bad because if you can't get back to sleep you're lying there for like 5 more hours. This time, it was bad. I didn't fall back asleep til after 5am and my alarm went off at 6:15. Cool. I read a bit when I realized it was only 2, but it didn't help.

I drank 3 9oz glasses of pinot which I made into spritzers. The alcohol effected my sleep, also the food. Oh, when I got home I ate popcorn.

I didn't stuff myself or anything at the pub, but I ate bits of fried garbage. Not cool. Today, I am going to be perfect and force myself to the gym tonight despite my fatigue.

This weekend will be a mega chill weekend. Perhaps I'll start a new crochet project.

Breakfast:
2 hard boiled eggs, almonds

At work:
coffee

Lunch:
Sushi like last week. This is the last time.
Wakame salad
1x4" pancake with butter. It was good. I love plain pancakes with just butter.

Snack:
some broccoli stir fry from the other night. One of the bites tasted nasty.
Then.. 1 timbit. ouch.

Crossfit, hit 125# for front squats. But I was starting to feel that shit sleep from last night. Slowed me down. I decided to try out the "Iqbal" place in the plaza. Got Butter chicken + rice for dinner, from someone's reco. It came to 14 bucks and it was a rip off. Hardly any chicken, mostly buttery sauce. I like my indian food with more zing, that was very tame. I wouldn't get it again, perhaps some beef another time. I didn't eat the whole thing, I went easy on the sauce but ate all the chicken bits. The rice was really good. I've gone buck wild with rice today, clearly. Today and yesterday have been a write off. Well, Tomorrow is a new day, the challenge begins. Right MA?? Def going to gym in the morns.

Coronation Street and maybe a movie. Jamie is out tonight, I'm a bachelorette.

Sleep wasn't great, what else is new.

Woke up later than I wanted to, and in order to get to work at 9, I had to take a cab. Otherwise I would have arrived at like 9:15. but ended up waiting anyway. Noying.

I don't know how much longer I can take this mundane, grey and gloomy time. seriously. It also doesn't help that I'm not the 'starving' type of depressive. I'm the opposite. And putting on weight only makes me more depressed, so try and get me outta this one why don't you?

Breakfast:
chicken sausage, handful almonds, spinach, cheddar

at work
grande coffee, 4 pieces dark chocolate (emo eating)

I'd say I'm going to crossfit tonight but every time I do, I get stuck doing something and miss it by the most annoyingly small amount of time. Some people have children to go home to, some people have dogs, I have my crossfit. It's my balance, it's my after work thing and I wish it could be respected in the same way. But it's not living and breathing and to some it's not relevant. However, missing it affects my well-being, and it reflects in my daily life. Not exercising at this time is extremely unhealthy for both my physical and mental health.

Lunch:
sausage, eggplant, spinach with avo oil.
apple, half with pumpk butter

Snack:
kale chips, "chive" flavour. These are raw, vegan, healthy chips. Although I know I shouldn't eat them I did anyway. And I paid later. Sigh.

Pre CF:
almonds, 3 dates

Crossfit. It was good, needed.

Dinner:
2 hard boiled eggs, sauteed broccoli/garlic/tahini sauce Julie made on the weekend.

Delicious but I had those stomach pains again, mega gas pains. Not cool.

Before bed: rooibos tea.

You know what I miss? Toast. That thin, dense, farmer's rye bread we used to get. Mmmm that with avocado is so good. *tear*

Some guys on BT right now are talking about how important breakfast is. No one's surprised.

Sleep was meh, I woke up a couple times, not sure why.

Breakfast:
Didn't feel like meat or eggs.
mixed berries, 1/2 banana, bit of coconut, bit of sunflower seeds and dried blueberries? raisins? bit of tahini, bit of honey, coconut milk, cinnamon. Sounds like a lot but when I mean a bit, I mean a BIT. like a teaspoon (less for the honey). It was good, I get sick of eating meat in the morning sometimes. The thought of chewing on roast beef wasn't appetizing.

Today:
Banana sandwich:
1/2 banana, cut in half lengthwise, pumk seed butter and honey in the middle. It was good. P-seed butter tastes most like peanut butter out of all the butters. I like this, I think I'll make my own.

Lunch:
Chicken sausage, eggplant, tomato. I'm keeping away from pork for now.

Apple

I need to slice up some carrots for snacks this week, too much fruit happening.

Fingers crossed I can hit CF tonight and tomorrow. "Drinks" with work is happeing Thurs. Guess who is drinking soda water?!

Hey guess what I didn't make it to Crossfit, missed it by like 15 minutes. I love that. Who cares about my life balance and what I need in order to feel 'normal'.

Dinner:
leftover roast beef, spinach salad. goat cheese/almonds.

2 rice cakes, pb and honey.

i got my period and i don't feel well.

Whatever. It's Monday. Over it.

Sleep was shit. Basically I'm still hungover and feel queasy. Drinking green tea like a mofo and trying to consume as many antioxidants as I can.

Breakfast:
2 eggs, mushrooms, bit of cheese, blueberries

At work:
bit of pumpkin seed butter. like less than a teaspoon.

Lunch:
leftover rosbif, cauli mash, carrots/sweet potato.

Guys, I'm not even looking or thinking about unnecessary snacking. I just need this anxious feeling/nausea to go away. I'm doing whole 30 again. Maybe 30+, and when is this challenge starting?! I need it. I need that motivation and competition.

My legs are still sore from Saturday's workout and I have a big painful bruise on my shoulder from.. I DONT KNOW! probably falling into the tub in my drunken state. Rock bottom, guys.
My back is sore, I need a massage again.

Snacks:
apple, half with pump seed butter
later:
last bit of roast beef and cauli.

I decided to not go to the gym tonight. I'm in need of a good night's sleep, I'm poopy, I don't want to eat late and my upper back hurts. I think its from Saturday's workout, but who knows. Maybe it's from hugging the bowl Saturday night or falling back into the tub. The bruise on my shoulder is a delightful reminder of that. I cancelled my Wed hair appointment so I'll go Tues/Wed/Fri. Maybe Sat am if I'm feeling ambitious.

Pre dinner:
few rice crackers, cheddar cheese

Dinner:
chicken sausages, roasted eggplant and tomatoes.

For Shame.

I'm not even going to address nutrition right now. This weekend was bad. Well, mainly last night was bad. Me and 3 close girlfriends went to see Soundgarden - a dream since they split up in the 90s. Concert began at 8, so I had them over for some snacks and drinks beforehand. I'll just get to the point. I got blackout drunk. There was barfing, there was stumbling and I don't know how I made it thru the night without getting kicked out or punched in the face. I was that annoying drunk person pushing through the crowd to get to the front. When, as a mature adult, I should have arrived earlier and got to the front in an honest way. Nope. Not this drunk fool. I drank more than half a bottle of whiskey. STRAIGHT. Before we left. Plus half a bottle of wine. Maryann's wine that she brought over. For the record, I haven't been drunk like that in years. I barfed of course, and not in the toilet. I was disgusting. And you know the worst part? I don't remember the concert much. I totally ruined that experience for myself and I can't ever get it back. I never intended to get that blasted at all, I just kept swigging back those whiskeys and then had a beer at the concert. One beer? 2? I don't know. I'm embarrassed and that will never ever happen again. EVER. I will not let alcohol ruin any more life experiences for me anymore. Fuck it. I am upset with myself, I'm angry and sad that it happened. I'm just glad I was with close friends. If I was alone, I don't know how I would have gotten home, and to be honest, if I lived alone I probably would have died by choking on my own vomit or something gross. I'm genuinely surprised I didn't have alcohol poisoning. Maybe I should have, then I wouldn't touch the stuff again.

So, how was the concert? I don't fucking know. And I'm sad about it, have no one to blame but myself.

TGIMFF

Sleep was baaad. I blame the wine and random foods I ate.

Breakfast:
paleo pancakes - 3 eggs, pecan flour, vanilla, apple sauce, coconuts, cinnamon, protein powder, fried in ghee. Jamie and I split them.

Snack at work:
Coffee and half a sweet potato w/sp

Lunch:
4 salmon, 1 tuna, 1 red snapper Sushi, 3 california rolls + wakame salad
LOVE wakame salad.
Sounds like alot but wasn't really.

Crossfit tonight, chill tomorrow.

Aft Snack:
pretzels, 1 cider.

Bailed on CF because of the weather.

Dinner:
Butternut squash soup, 1 pepperette
rice crackers

later
popcorn with butter

whiskey x2

Lesson learned - ALLERGIES

I have incredible gas happening right now in my gut. Fuuuuuuck eating big dense whole wheat/oat/whatever cookies ever again. Who do I think I am?! I desp want to take my pants off right now. Going for dinner which might not help but I'll just kill this day off.

Things I must avoid:

• kale
• cabbage
• soy
• onions in all forms. raw cooked whatever.
• garlic. Not cool. 
• whole wheat - white bread, we're cool. I can do baguettes. without suffering.
• OATS. Just..no.
• Pork. I'm sorry, it's over between us. Bacon is the exception.
• chickpeas, lentils, all that shit. no way, fart city.
• BEER. Ok, let's get real here, I am not avoiding beer forever. I can avoid those foods easier than I can avoid a nice beer.
• Cumin, are we in a fight? Chilli powder? who's the culprit here?!

We went out for dinner to a "tappas" place down the street. Cute. Lots of beer on tap, even a cider. We'll have to go there for dranks one day, my friends, then come back to ours and drink more. My stomach was already bloated and hurting from (most likely) the stupid cookie I had earlier. That's the only thing I ate that was out of the ordinary and boy did I pay for it later.

Dinner consisted of the following:

• Cheese block, with dried fruits and such. ok.
• foccacia - let me add that white bread doesn't effect me like whole wheat, but I don't think it helped the situation
• some veg slaw - it had cabbage in it
• calamari - whole cloves of garlic were involved. garlic is finicky with me, I think all around it's a no-no. UNFORTCH. it was in a mayo-y sauce, which doesn't concern me.
• 1 rib - pork! bad.
• mushroom/truffle risotto - no regrets. maze.

So, my gas pains were from my earlier meals, but my dinner didn't help. Note to self, avoid all things on that list above. I had trouble breathing properly on our walk home because my stomach was so bloated that my diaphragm hurt whenever I breathed out. - and it was hard like a big beer belly. SEXY. I could only breathe in comfortably. Once I got home, took off my pants and let it all "out" I felt a bit better. I have a feeling tonight's sleep will be terrible. FOSHE hitting up crossfit tomorrow. Killing the gym 4X this week mos def. AND maybe Sat morning. Who am I?? Beast mode gyal, that's who.